It’s funny, the commotion a little number can cause

The first time I was told I had cancer; I thought my life might be ending. I remember thinking, I can’t die now, I have unfinished projects everywhere I look, who will finish them? And I had always assumed I would be here to take care of my wife when we got older. Who will do that if I’m not here?

After prayer and consideration, I came to realize that there isn’t really anything that won’t get by without me. I was mentally preparing my self for the end. You reluctantly try it on for size, wear it around for a while, and with God you can say, “If I must, I can do this.”

I had surgery and recovery, and after a while I thought my life might go on.

Time passes and you start thinking, “Maybe I will be around a while, maybe even a long time.” So you wear that around and get used to it.

Then came the second cancer, this one incurable. Those words are devastating, but good or bad (bad or worse), I have God’s peace. For me, God’s peace is undeniable (because God is undeniable). I’d rather not have cancer; I’m in no hurry to die, but on earth, the mortality rate is 100%.

I’m tested every three months. After stable, stable, and continuing stable, it’s easy to cast your focus a little farther out and think again, “Maybe I will be around for years.”

The difference between 1.2 and 1.8 is such a small number, but enough to bring a (Smoldering) Multiple Myeloma patient back for more testing, x-rays, waiting for the next answer (and the next question), and realizing again that the end could be lurking. Maybe the beginning of the end.

I feel like such a wimp when I read the blogs and posts of other Multiple Myeloma sufferers, they’ve been through so much. I’ve been enjoying a fairly normal life, quietly smoldering a year and a half; that’s easy. These MMr’s are experienced and decorated medical combat veterans. Most have had serious medications, agonizing treatments, terrible side-effects, lives completely upended, and finally for many, death.

I read one MM blogger’s list of predicted stages most of us will go through. Not one mention of Jesus, no peace of God; how sad for him to face this (and eternity) without joy. His only hope was in doctors and medicine. I like doctors and medicine (and insurance!), but regardless, one day I will die.

Monday I go for another bone marrow biopsy. This is where the roller-coaster starts going downhill.

Image

I love this shot of Loren and I. Thanks, Diane

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12 comments on “It’s funny, the commotion a little number can cause

  1. Diane MacDonald says:

    I will ramp up my usual prayers for you Scott. I pray that God will let you be around for a much longer time, but not suffering. The bone marrow biopsy can’t be comfortable. We really enjoyed visiting with you Monday, but I have to admit that you looked a little tired. I didn’t want to say anything at the time. You are such an inspiration with your strong faith in God and a real blessing to your family and friends. We love you and will be thinking about you Monday and praying that all goes well and that the results will be better.

  2. Don MacDonald says:

     Roller coasters Tell me about it been on with both of us to many times. keep in touch with the up dates   DON

    ________________________________

  3. Dave Schluckebier says:

    Scott, Even though we’ve discussed some serious topics and heartbreaking events it’s still sometimes hard to talk about them since we are usually making fun of or laughing about something. I wouldn’t have it any other way. When my brother went through his cancer his motto was “It is what it is”. There’s no situation where that isn’t true. You were so right when you talked about people going through hard times without faith in God. Like I’ve said many times I sure don’t agree with Him all the time but I completely trust Him. I hate the idea of you going through what lies ahead but He has a reason for it and I know you will honor Him no matter what you face, and you know you will not face it alone. I love you and will continue to keep you in my prayers, still believing you will be a miracle. Should have time in a couple weeks to stop by for lunch. Thanks for keeping me posted, Dave

    Date: Sat, 26 Jan 2013 05:51:46 +0000 To: meterdave@hotmail.com

    • scanfie says:

      “It is what it is.” That’s a good motto, except to quote a past president, it really depends on what the meaning is is. I love talking and laughing with you, Dave. I hope we can do lunch.

  4. Tamara says:

    Thanks, Scott, for sharing your thoughtful musings over life and death. I have been, and will continue to pray that Monday’s biopsy will reveal encouraging news and NO acceleration of the MM. May the Lord’s presence, power and peace completely envelope you and Diane!

  5. Dan says:

    Scott,
    Thanks for the update. I am reminded of a comment in St. Augustine’s City of God. Somewhere in there he says “of this at least I am certain, that no one has died who was not destined to die sometime.”!
    Enoch of old passes through my mind from time to time as I consider the comment about him– “And Enoch walked with God; and he was not, for God took him.” –Then I ask myself what walking with God would mean or look like for myself. Then too I can’t help but wonder if we will be in that class of persons who won’t die–“Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.” I wonder what the mortality rate percentage will be after that event! I am glad you have God’s peace as you face the cancer and that we share a common eternal hope.

    • scanfie says:

      St Augustine sounds like a pretty sharp guy, and I have wondered a time or two about Enoch, but I had not considered how the Rapture will mess with the mortality rate. All good stuff, Dan, thanks for posting

  6. Andrea says:

    Scott, looking through the MM blogs I stopped at yours because the words “God is peace” stayed with me and explains how I feel. Nov/2012 I found out that I am on this MM journey at stage 1- facing a transplant in a couple of months. My son who is a youth pastor in CA talks to me- encourages me and we’ve talked about Gods peace. You have a way with words too – keep up your blog and power of prayer is undeniable – you’re in mine.
    Andrea in AZ

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